Self Care – Why do some people find it so hard?
There are many different reasons why you might be finding it difficult to fill your own cup right now. You might be feeling stressed, burnt out, overwhelmed, out of control, or you might just be someone who finds it almost impossible to put yourself first.
This can often stem from not getting your own needs met as a child from your parents or caregivers. Adverse childhood experiences or trauma of any kind can lead to a series of events and in turn unhealthy and/or protective coping mechanisms being born to help you to manage and ‘cope’ with life’s events and people/relationships. Invariably this ends up coming back to bite you on the bum later in life when you may find it difficult to simply say no, put healthy boundaries in place or simply just look after yourself. You may find communication difficult or have conflict in relationships because of childhood trauma.
Not getting needs met in childhood can lead to a series of behaviours including;
- A need to control
- Being competitive
- Having unhealthy or being drawn into unhealthy relationships
- Stress, anxiety & depression
- Shame, embarrassment & humiliation
- Self loathing, low self esteem & feelings of being a failure
- Attachment issues
- Addictions
- Unable to regulate own emotions
- Catastrophising & extreme thinking
The list goes on.
Through therapy and coaching you can learn to regulate your own emotions better, and come to understand what might be going on for you.
Quite simply when you take the time for self care you are showing up for yourself, you are showing up for that child inside of you in a way that maybe your parents didn’t or couldn’t, but in a way that you needed none the less.
There are many different types of self care and taking the time to understand what you need, why you need it and implementing that self care, helps you to become stronger. Taking care of yourself improves self esteem, confidence and resilience because you are literally giving yourself the very things you need in order to be the best version of yourself possible. You cannot run on empty and expect everything to be ok.
Self care can look like acknowledging your strengths and what you do well, exercising your body, and mind positively and working on your spiritual needs whatever that might look like for you. It might include time alone, spending time with friends, being creative or simply having a gratitude journal. It just means being there for you when you need it with no expectations, guilt, shame or feelings of ‘I’m not worthy’.
You are worthy, just as worthy as anyone, but until you start treating yourself as worthy you wont necessarily feel worthy. The behaviours and actions we show ourselves directly affect our thoughts and feeling towards ourselves as well so if we are constantly beating ourselves up we are going to feel like shit!
Ask yourself regularly – how am I talking to myself today? Am I being kind? Am I being thoughtful and considering my own needs today? What do I need right now?
You might just find this makes a big difference to how you feel inside.
If you feel like your inner child needs some healing please ask me for more information on Hypno Rescue, reclaim and heal your inner child, which is work that I do with clients specifically to access their inner child and help to heal the wounds from childhood.
Building a self care routine when you’ve never had one before can feel alien too but we can work on that together and come up with a self care plan, or why not start work on your very own self care plan today?
